Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
