I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
