I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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