I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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