Cold hands, warm shart.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
