For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
