i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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