Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
