yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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