do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
