if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Randomize
