i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
