a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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