Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
