ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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