you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
