i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
