6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
