I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
