So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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