I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
