How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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