Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
