Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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