New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it glows. i had to have it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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