so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
