Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
