How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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