remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
