the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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