Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
