She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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