I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
