i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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