Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
