Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
there is glitter all over my balls
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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