We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Holy sore nipples Batman
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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