my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
