It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
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At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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