just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
