I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
