Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
