I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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