I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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