I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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