God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
