i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
