Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
