i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
