best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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