Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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