wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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