guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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