Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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