you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
