You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
