you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?