I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
