Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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