Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
