i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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