I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
