you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So many bounce houses so little time
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
