Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
