You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
