He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
