margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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