my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize