May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
