our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
