Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
